garage

yesterday we threw out half of the things contained in the garage.

Among them two xrays I had kept for 20 years. One was of my foot when it was first injured - the xray was taken at Western Hospital right after the accident. The other was of Derzu when she was pregnant with her one litter of puppies. I showed Tien all the beautiful little puppy spines. Then they went to the dump.

There is a moment of release right after. I also threw out quite a few cassette tapes, made by someone else, that I once liked - but I could not throw out the rehearsal tape made by Ahmed of "The Wash The Image and The Story" in 1986. Ahmed languishes in some care home, I think closed in by MS now, and I wish I could write the story of (f)light, the solo with his accompaniment that Karen Jamieson made for him and I - my memories of walking through Victory Square with him to the Dance Centre on summer days - of how Karen wanted to make a duet for me and Aaron Shields, (who turned out to be related to Alex Anglin Shields but I could never think how to convey this experience to her) The main thing would be that my body can still remember reproducing those jittery jumps, arches close together and wings outstretched (Lyn Fernie said they were crucifix references and they appeared in my work in the 80s - I never said whadya expect in the vernacular of people who have spent every morning opening their arms into second position. When I learned cursive writing in school I had been opening my arms into second position for years already).
Achh I miss my life and wish I could grab at it and place some tendrils into memory - I want to share it, pass it on - and given that,
there it is, the balance of the lightness and ease of breath the moment I decide to let it slip through my fingers into a black garbage bag.

Do you think those breath patterns from (f)light are housed in my diaphragm? I find it hard to breath at night trying to sleep. If I explored them again, would this shift?
I kept some garment items for the patchwork memory quilt I have thought of so long but never do. perhaps the wisdom would be for me to go ahead and do it. Just piece by piece. Hard without the big picture?

Four runs to the dump in one day then he went back out for groceries and made a big dinner.

Trying to get to a bare garage by dinner tonight.